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BLOG | Poems | Etc.

 

SURRENDER TO LOVE

Lowe’s

 

     I will need a new roof this year.  My house sits on the downside of a hill, making the roof the more prominent feature.  On the Lowe’s website, I found a red roof that knocked my socks off. I started planning a new color scheme around it.  It was FUN. I got quite attached to my vision.  Then, when I called to find out if they had it in stock so I could see the real deal, I was told “no”.  Not only did they not carry it at that store, but that color was not sold anywhere in the Northwest.  Not in the NW!  That’s absurd, I thought.  So I called the manufacturer. Their customer service rep confirmed it’s only available in the NE area of the country.  After more discussion, I finally learned of a process by which I could buy it, but freight would be expensive and other problems could complicate the project.

     It took me a few days, but I did surrender, even though I was still forgetting the “love” part.  I want to make life easier, not harder,  I told myself..  So, yesterday, I went to Lowe’s to see what they had in stock.  Nothing but drab, drab, drab.  But, I’m fairly good with colors.  So I decided to play with paint color chips to try to come up with a combination I could be happy with. Tracy, who helped me find the roofing supplies was unusually helpful.  I explained that I was there to figure out an alternative to the roof I really wanted, but which wasn’t available anywhere in Seattle.  He helped me find 3 roofing samples and walked with me to the paint department where I spread them out on a counter. 

     “Don’t worry about putting them back”, he said before leaving,  “I’ll do that for you.”  So, for the next hour or so, I played with colors.  I’d created one or two possible combinations when he returned. 

     “How’re you doing?” he asked. 

     “I’m closer, I said.  This tan is a nice color, but I’m trying to find colors to work with it that aren’t drab.  At my age, who knows how many years I have left?  I don’t want to spend them in a drab house.” 

     He laughed.  “Let me see what I can do,” he said, going around the counter to a computer.  “What’s the name of the color they told you you couldn’t get here?” 

     I smiled, remembering our earlier chat when Tracy had told me  he had started  some companies, including the one that eventually became Zip Car.  But, then, he’d  added, “but I no longer have the fire in me that start-ups take.”  

      “See,” I said, “you still do have some fire left in you.”  Clearly, he was tackling a job that he knew was supposed to be impossible. 

      He just looked at me, smiled and went back to the computer.    After pulling up the product info and confirming it wasn’t available through usual channels, he started looking for a  work-around he had thought of.  Finding he didn’t know how to make the computer do what he wanted it to, he asked a colleague for help.  He was directed to another computer in another part of the store.  That didn’t work either, but from there,  he was directed to still another area where the computer was expected to have the needed capability.  On the way, we encountered a manager whom he knew to be knowledgeable and creative.  When he told her what he had in mind, she explained why it probably would not work, but she also said Lowe’s could special order and deliver the product if I paid the freight and that overages would be returnable. In fact, she advised ordering generously so the contractor would have what he needed. That information relieved me of the fear of complications with my contractor.

      Next, together, they strategized which particular person in the store would be the best to approach with the unusual proposal and, then,  took my contact information.  They said to expect a call from her today.

      As I stood with them, I was aware of feeling awestruck at the support I was receiving.  I felt immersed in love.

      Ever since meditating in the morning, whenever I thought about it, I’d been hearing in my head that the red roof would happen, but I’d been discounting it, arguing back with my concern about contractor complications. 

     Will I wind up with the red roof I’d been attached to,  but had given up?  Probably, but what now seems more important is the Love I experienced, being with Tracy and Laura in the fullness of the moment as they worked together on my behalf.  Whatever color the roof is, every time I see it, I will be reminded of what can happen when I surrender to Love. 

     

SURRENDER TO LOVE

SUB-MINIMUM WAGE 3

Yes, there is bigotry, no doubt about it. Its been there so long that I had begun to accept it and might not even have written about it.

The revelation that inspired me to write about it was my sudden realization that it’s being driven by psychological denial, especially in people who have experienced taunting and abuse or are afraid of same by virtue of having been called “retard” or having felt insulted at being lumped in with people with little intellectual development. Their parents and guardians too.

I think its being fueled by old pain and fear, based partly from personal experience and partly from horror stories that may actually have historical basis. . That’s why rational information makes no impact. Its like trying to talk someone out of a neurosis, only this is closer to a  collective neurosis.

There was a time when residential habilitation centers weren’t called that; they were basically maintenance warehouses for people for whom society had no use or hope; and they contained a great many people whose mental abilities were high enough that having to fit into an institutional mold was probably unbearable. Add to that the fact that there was little regulation. Abuse really did happen with impunity. 

Now, my new questions are: “Can recognizing the quality of the underlying fears inspire a new approach that will help resolve the bigotry?” If so, what?

May whatever happens next be born of love. 

I surrender to love.  I surrender to love.  I surrender to love.

 

 

 

 

 

SURRENDER TO LOVE:
Sub-minimum Wage 2

                                             

After surrendering to love regarding this debate, I awakened early this morning with inspiration to write the following.

SUBMINIMUM WAGE HOT POTATO:HISTORY & IMPLICATIONS

THE SEATTLE SUB-MINIMUM WAGE HOT POTATO has deep roots and serious implications.

I’ve been watching a very heated conversation on the Seattle Commission on DisAbilities FB page. Now, the links to the conversations have been disabled. (no pun intended.). What I’ve seen is that the commission members don’t recognize the early level of intellectual developmental disability for which guardian decision making is required for an affected person’s wellbeing. It’s been claimed that all of the members have disabilities. One person, who writes at a very high, if inflammatory, level, claims to be intellectually developmentally disabled, but another writer on the thread refers to him as autistic and seems to think that is not a legitimate intellectual developmental disability.

Another person passionately, if rudely, objected to a participant’s referencing “eighteen month level mentation” as “offensive to all disabled people.” That person argued that a person who is 30 years old has a 30 year old intellect. Yet, the writer who used the “eighteen month” term thought “the age of developmental intellectual attainment” to be crucial information for knowing how to meet the affected person’s needs. I agree with the latter.

The conversation veered away from sub-minimum wage when one contributor who does support RHCs, but hadn’t written that, was accused of being “inauthentic” because she “supports segregation.” Her defense, though civil itself, provoked passionately irrational accusations of her supporting murder and rape. At first, I saw those comments as simply ignorant attempts to win an argument at the expense of rationality and civility. But after reflecting on it, I realized that they must have been born of the accuser’s deep fear and perception of institutions as prison-like environments where any terrible thing might happen to a resident. My thought is that while terrible things can happen anywhere, the strict oversight in RHCs makes them safer than other venues.

There were also comments by commissioners disdaining parents and guardians and denying their legitimacy as spokespeople for their children and wards. They expressed, as fact, their assumptions that all people with intellectual developmental disabilities could identify and express for themselves what was needed for them and so should be considered their own experts. This perception is what I began to consider to be their denial of early developmental cognitive arrest/delay.

 

I’m perceiving that the roots of what is becoming societal denial of early developmental cognitive arrest/delay are deeply embedded in the misuse of the term, “Mental Retardation. The sense of insult and shame at that label that was felt by people with higher levels of thinking and function, but whose development, otherwise, didn’t fit within typical social norms, was strong. Today, despite the replacement of the term, “mental retardation” with “intellectual disability,” those old, strong feelings, apparently still are operating to deny that there is any legitimacy in the literal concept of “mental retardation.” Those people are influencing powerful groups and public agencies throughout the country.

 

With the loss of the term “mental retardation” we lost a common language for early developmental cognitive arrest/delay. And since losing the wording, I believe we have been losing critical recognition of the phenomenon. Unfortunately, censorship of language doesn’t eradicate a phenomenon; it simply renders it less publicly visible. 

We must stop this denial snowball from gaining any more momentum. I’m only now recognizing how serious the danger is in allowing it to continue. For some time, it as been affecting public policy in such a way that it constrains positive measures needed by people whose cognitive ability became severely impaired at very early stages.  For instance: 

 

1. In the interest of protecting non-institutional residential rights of higher level people who do not need medical, therapeutic, and other resources to be very close to home, in some areas, laws have been passed that disallow locating residential facilities for people with intellectual developmental disabilities conveniently near a full service therapeutic facility for people with intellectual developmental disabilities.

 

2. To further the ability of people with higher level intellectual disabilities to be employed by regular businesses, to the detriment of their former workers with minimal cognitive skills, many sheltered workshops have been closed. Today, many of their former workers sit at home without daily activities. 

 

3. Now, the attempt to outlaw the sub-minimum wage threatens to foreclose the jobs of workers whose abilities are incompatible with the profitability of businesses, even with publicly supported job coaches. They, too, could wind up victims who sit at home without activities. 

 

Recognizing that people with higher level autism and people with early developmental cognitive arrest/delay are no more or less important than each other, the needs of both groups and those in between must be recognized in law as well as in society.

 

The next, important step, as I see it, is to begin reincorporating language that helps differentiate early developmental levels of cognition + their accompanying social or physical function from higher levels of intellectual developmental disabilities that are typical of people with  high enough levels of autism for them to be arguing for their own rights or at least to be able to benefit from significantly less intensive assistance and representation by guardians than those with early developmental  cognitive arrest/delays. 

 

The Seattle Commission on DisAbilities is a public entity. It’s make-up should include as much representation of people whose early developmental cognitive disability requires guardianship as it does of self-advocates. This should also be true of all other agencies which purport to advocate for all people with intellectual developmental disabilities.

 

Ideally, the Seattle City Council, which, currently is considering the bill to outlaw sub-minimum wage certificates could vote to table the issue until:

 


1) Protections for people with early developmental cognitive arrest/delay are incorporated

 

2) Provision is incorporated for better wage protections for people of higher intellectual disabilities whose work is underpaid due to the current sub-minimum wage certificates.

 

Then, the bill could be amended to accommodate the changes. Only then would a vote make sense. 

 

The time to address this request to the Seattle City Council is now. Please contact the members immediately.

 

 

SURRENDER TO LOVE:

Sub-minimum Wage

 

“Where there is hate, let me sow love”  From the prayer of Saint Frances.  I would add, “Where there is ignorance, disprespect and fear, may I remember to sow love.
 

For the last few days, there has been a discussion on a facebook page of whether or not sub-minimum wage should be outlawed.  Self advocates with disabilities argue that the ability of an employer to pay a person according to his or her productivity devalues his or her work.  They don’t recognize the need for such a system for the benefit of people whose abilities are so low that they could not be employed if they won their case with the City Council.  It just now occurs to me that they also don’t realize that they, themselves, might also be out of their jobs if, in the eyes of their employers, their  productivity did not warrant the minimum wage.
 

It’s been very seductive for me to get caught up in arguing about this, actually making an effort to educate people and help them broaden their perspecitves to  think in terms of “both/and” instead of “either/or” or “me vs you.”    Now, I realize that while on some level that could be helpful, on another level, I’ve simply been adding fuel to a fire when I could have been quietly sending loving thoughts into it.  I’ll start now.  It may not quench the fire, but it has already begun to change how I feel, which I am trusting can do as much or more to help the situation than continuing to try to answer comments by people not interested in any other point of view. 

 

May I remember, today, to continuously bring myself back to my goal of living from love, immersing myself and others in it.  Fortunately, one doesn’t have to, in fact, can’t deserve love.  Love is.  If I send it, I can’t really know if it will help the others, but I know from experience it will help me; and then, how I am changed by it will impact how I am, feel, act and how others feel as a result of my ripple effect.
 

I surrender to love.  I surrender to love.  I surrender to love.  

 

 

SURRENDER TO LOVE

8/17/17   Life is my lab, my proving ground.  “I surrender to love” is my current experiment.  What will happen if I let go into love instead of obsessing about the latest attack of those who want  my sister’s therapeutic community closed? Or, if I substitute surrendering to love for thoughts about what I see as a heartless decision of her home’s superintendent to prohibit circulation, via the facility’s intranet, of a notice of another guardian’s memorial service?  


Yesterday, the result of substituting “surrender to love” for being mad about her refusal of help was that I created a more beautiful notice and walked from house to house on campus, 12 houses + offices, connecting with people, meeting some
caregivers I hadn’t met before, catching up with some I had, and hearing news of some I’d not seen for a while.  As I went along, I wasn’t  conscious of love, but the reception I felt was universally warm, in some cases enthusiastic, and my heart was happy as I finished and drove home.  

 

Today, each time I consciously let go into love, it got a little easier.  Did it change anything that anyone else was doing?  I don’t know because I was too busy doing what I needed to be doing to check.  Did it feel better?   Definitely!  Release into love felt much better than the feelings resulting from the negative thoughts it replaced.  And, then, It was easier to move through the things I wanted to accomplish.